mood swings

Os results are coming out either on Feb 5th or 9th (monday or friday). im so freaking scared!

i'm afraid of bad results. and that's all my gut feeling's telling me.. ): now i know, peaking during prelims is a NONO. i recall mugging like MAD for prelims, then something happened that made me less motivated to mug even harder for Os. i got 10 points for prelims.

i guess you can say i got somewhat complacent. plus, there was this universal fact that "Os are always and will always be easier than prelims". but now that i think about it, was it really easier? BAAH. :/

i'm afraid of the waiting time. sitting/standing in 2 straight lines. and watching.. watching, as 20 classmates receive their results before my turn.

i'm afraid of the expression on anth.'s face when he first sees my results before handing it over. will his eyes mask the truth of what beholds the results slip? or will they simply show disappointment? (or.. perhaps.. joy?)

i'm afraid of the aftermath of it all. when you have to break the news to people, when you have to comfort people (hopefully not, though :D) and when you have to start making real decisions.

do you know how long i've been dreading this? since last year, when i witnessed last year's cohort receive their results. but now it's our turn.. and for me, 11 months of mental preparation isn't enough..

(i know its a bit premature to be blogging about this, but im really scared. and i just had to vent a bit.)

sigh. at least there are day-to-day things that keep my mind off that horrid day. like our bbq/reunion with the smss choir comm! it was so much fun!! there was an abundance of food, really too much for 7 people. but we tried our best to eat everything since the food was TOO GOOD to pass. :D playing table tennis and taboo was a lot of fun, too!

choir's getting more enjoyable nowadays, esp with chanxi and steffie around. i love love love te quiero and ave verum, and not to mention the low low voices from the BASSSSS section. (: lol!

and then there's hanging out in between classes with other polka dotties!, OG mates, and classmates. FOOOOD has been taking a higher priority than studies, too. and it's up to you to decide whether it's a good or bad thing. HAHA! playing games in the SC, eating in the caff or just talking wherever has been fun too:D but i'm afraid there'll be no more time to do these once it's the second intake and we'll all have to start studying. )':

but at least there's still gonna be orientation 2! meaning DISCO NIGHT 2! meaning more FUN and GAMES! more CHEERING! more DANCING! more MUSIC! :D

ok enough of this. i'm gonna study for my physics test! yay me. (but i think i'll end up watching american idol. haha:P)

why do i keep shifting moods from happy to sad?